| The Mouths of Babes |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|01:23 pm] |
So for some reason I have been getting nostalgic for my playground days, almost a quarter of a century ago now, and the rich language we used then that is mostly now lost forever. One term that seems to have survived is "fit" for a good-looking member of the opposite sex; as such, I only cite it because it must have been ten years or more before I realised it had any linguistic correlation with muscular development and endurance. I would have used it for someone completely rubbish at sports without a second thought if I fancied them, I'm sure. And, needless to say, I never fancied anyone who was good at sports.
Other vernacular I remember from the time was "tight" or "sly" to refer to someone being cruel in any way, irrespective of the ungenerosity or deviousness involved. "That's well sly!" If you were being cruel to someone and wanted to rub their nose in their ill-fortune, you could say "Spi on you" which meant exactly the same as Nelson Muntz's "ha ha". The derivation of this remains completely mysterious to me to this day.
Most playground jargon is related to taunting of course, and there was a rich vein of derogatory terms usually implying mental handicap ("spaz", "mong" etc) or homosexual inclination ("bummer", "gaylord"). I don't remember much actual swearing as I understand it today, though there were bowdlerisations such as "wazzock", which with hindsight I assume to be a childish form of "wanker".
EDIT: I just remembered that I wanted to mention that our phrase for what Americans call "making out" was and probably still is "getting off with". Mainly because I told ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mercuryglass this once and she was horrified: "ugh, that's so graphic" or somesuch. Crazy Americans!
The other liberty that schoolkids take with language is of course to give their teachers inappropriate nicknames. From what I recall some of these were crude sexualisations of names (e.g. "Titflop" for Flitcroft), quite a few were beard-related ("Dickchin", "Fred Fungus"), but most, bizarrely, were based on identification with historical personages that, at that point, I had never heard of. There was "Lennie" Hutton and "Hairy" Neeves, and many years later I get those, but I'm still none the wiser about "Ben" Lyons. There was an actor called Ben Lyon who enjoyed some fame in the 20s and 30s, but such a nickname couldn't have stuck to even such a superannuated teacher for 40 or 50 years... could it?
You know the drill. Spill the beans about the lost languages of your own childhoods... |
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| Not If You Were The Last.fm On Earth |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|01:44 pm] |
I've been getting quite into last.fm recently, as something to do at work that's not as blatantly sackworthy as tooling around on Facebook or, er, posting to LiveJournal. It's a lot of fun, even if it gets a bit TOO exciting at times and I have to retreat to Charlotte Gainsbourg's Similar Artists for a while to calm down. Two especially good things about last.fm though are:
(1) Discovering that, on the Luke Haines/Cinerama/other quintessentially English irony-pop channels, they keep playing me tracks by Felt, a "hip hop duo featuring rappers Slug and MURS". I think what last.fm *means* to be playing me is the post-punk Felt featuring Lawrence of Denim and Go-Kart Mozart pseudo-fame, but I always click on the "express your love for this track!" icon anyway, hopefully ambiguating thet situation beyond the possibility of repair.
(2) Getting inspired to keep a mental list of the artists who, according to all conventional metrics, I ought to like, but who have me reaching for the "don't ever play me this track again" button faster than you can say Jack Johnson. Here are some of the unfortunates who have MADE MY LIST:
1. The Police
2. Prefab Sprout
3. Antony & The Johnsons
4. Nick Drake
There was a number 5 on that list, but I can't remember who it was at the moment, so for the sake of argument it's going to be 5. The Futureheads. F*ck the Futureheads.
Which musical acts does everyone assume that you must like, when in fact you'd rather eat boiling tar?
EDIT: I've just remembered who the actual number 5 on my list was! None other than Orlando! Love both the guys in the band, have entirely fond memories of the Romo movement (which is more than most people would own up to, I'm sure), somehow can't bear to listen to the actual tunes. Bizarre... |
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| Astronaut Paramour |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|02:01 pm] |
Do you ever have days...
...when you feel like you're an astronaut who'll never go to space? |
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| Guitar Hero |
[Mar. 19th, 2008|01:18 pm] |
On Saturday this chap here is going to be giving me a guitar lesson:
Obviously what I really want from him are image lessons, but I think it'll take me till at least our third encounter to pluck up the courage for that. |
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| House of (Thomas) Paine |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|03:12 pm] |
sosoclever points out that I don't post much here these days, so as a special treat I'll tell you what has been on my mind for the past, ooh, six months.
MOSTLY, it has been rancour over the fact that a little-known musical act called House of Pain saw fit to change the lyrics of a song I wrote for them, I mean some of them were pretty damn catchy:
I'll serve the truth like Rene Descartes,
If yours steps up, I'm discussing fine art,
The Word was with God, it's in the Prologue,
I got more qualms than the Bible's got psalms,
'Cos just like Kierkegaard I've loathed and feared...
Apparently though the chorus, "Stroke Your Beaaaaaaard, Stroke Your Beaaaaard" just wasn't deemed catchy enough to get people excited on the dancefloor. Bastards.
The only other thing I have thought about since last year, literally, is my realisation that the entire course of my life has been shaped by the fundamental suspicion that there is something weird and terrifying about shoes that fail to accurately represent the shape of the feet inside.
There you go, you weren't missing me nearly as much as you thought you were, were you. |
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| Fillums |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|12:54 pm] |
As it is written, so in truth it was: I went to the cinema to see Penelope last night, a sweet modern-day fable about a little princess cursed with the face of a pig until she can find one of her own kind to accept her for who she is. Sadly the production was marred on numerous fronts, e.g. (1) a director fairly lacking in the genius of a Gilliam or Burton, who have raised the bar for our expectations of this type of film, (2) a script without any really sparkling dialogue or really ingenious jokes, and (3) a cast that seems to be 90% comprised of British actors and comedians, who for some unknown reason are forced to affect varyingly excruciating American accents, Torchwood's lovely Burn Gorman's being the most grating, and Russell Brand to his credit not even bothering to try. But the crucial strike against the film can be handily summed up in the results of the following poll:
Poll #1153066 Here Piggy Piggy
Open to: All, results viewable to: AllChristina Ricci, unmarred but for a fairly cute pig-snout:
Thus, with the beautiful James McAvoy being largely wasted in this, I can only award Penelope two and a half snouts out of a possible five-headed pig-monstrosity. Not a patch on Enchanted, in other words, but it's innocuous fun though, would be a good movie to take any smaller relatives out to see, and does feature the bottomless talents of Peter Dinklage, the littlest hunk in Hollywood, so there you go.
Other films I have seen lately include "Be Kind Rewind", minor Gondry I guess but none the less charming for that - three and a half copyright infringements out of a possible five-alarm lawsuit, and "No Country For Old Men", a terrifying coiled spring of a suspense movie much deserving of its recent Oscar sweep: two Coen Brothers up. What should I watch next? |
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| After A Small Tragedy, You... |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|03:06 pm] |
* start numbly to pick up the pieces of your life, just because you need something to do with your hands.
* or else don't, just buy a packet of cigarettes and a lighter and suck in great lungfuls of industrially processed despair, because they go down smoother than your home-rolled variety.
* come into work on a Sunday and keep checking the desk of someone who's not going to be in today, or any other day.
* buy lunch based strictly on its nutritional merits, because enjoyment is no longer part of the equation.
* walk past a bench sporting the graffito "YOU SUCK because I tell you bitch" and marvel that the human detritus who penned it is probably feeling happier today than you.
* wonder that, despite this disaster paling in comparison to real tragedies, to real tragedies you've had in your own life even, it's no less painful to nurse in your heart.
* think about buying a $10 Leonard Cohen CD in HMV, on the grounds that if anyone has felt as bad about things as this, he probably has.
* glimpse and dismiss the ridiculous notion of "ending it all", on the grounds that while you've proven once again you have no idea how to live, you REALLY don't have a clue how to die.
* ponder where in the world you could move, fast enough to take the system by surprise and arrive a good while before your baggage does.
* remember how, in the old days, you used to write.
Don't worry, by the way, folks... you know me... only ever joking. |
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| I'm Going Out Now. I May Be Some Time. |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|02:15 pm] |
So Edmonton is revelling in temperatures of -30 degrees C at the moment... and that's before we factor in the wind chill.
I can confirm that the sensation of the hairs freezing inside your nostrils, while unnerving at first, becomes strangely addictive after a while.
How's your winter treating you? |
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| With A Small Salary Raise Comes Great Responsibility |
[Jan. 11th, 2008|11:42 am] |
Hello friends! It does pain me that my first communique of 2008 should be work-related, but after a modest payrise apparently I am expected to devote all my efforts to "blue sky thinking" or something like that, so naturally I have been staring out of the window thinking of blue skies a lot. However, it may be that I can actually achieve something worthwhile in my terrifying new predicament of having the CEO's ear, so let me put this question to you:
Put yourself in the position of a teacher or a student. If you had the opportunity to revolutionise the humble workhorse that is the educational textbook, using the recent advancement in leaps and bounds of digital technology, what would you do? Or more to the point what would you want someone else to do for you?
The first big client is a university Faculty of Engineering, so if anyone has any special clue as to what the hell engineers in particular want out of their education materials, that would be specially welcome, since speaking as a classicist I never previously thought them worthy to shine my shoes. But in the long run I think the plan is to provide cutting-edge educational resources to students of all ages in order to indoctrinate them into becoming willing slaves of our impending new world order. Any notions? |
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| The 12 Labours of Christmas |
[Dec. 18th, 2007|03:19 pm] |
Now, of course we've all watched a Ray Harryhausen movie or two, and so think we're sh*t hot at mythological knowledge, but here's a Christmas question to sort the viros from the pueros:
Poll #1108288 Laborious
Open to: All, results viewable to: AllHow many of the Twelve Labours of Hercules can you name without looking them up?
( Full List Under The Cut )
You can claim half a point for something vaguely on the right track. I scored 8.5 - B minus, must try harder, Verlaine! |
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| Who Loves You, Baby? |
[Dec. 17th, 2007|02:21 pm] |
Poll #1107704 Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Open to: All, results viewable to: All"She Loves You", by the Beatles: |
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| Domestic Crisis |
[Dec. 7th, 2007|10:20 am] |
Okay, this has now gone far enough, and a certain person's EGREGIOUS mispronunciations of simple comestible words must now be corrected. With this in mind:
Poll #1102206 Brusque Brush
Open to: All, results viewable to: AllWhat is the correct way to pronounce "bruschetta"? |
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| Ten Things About Tessa |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|04:58 pm] |
1) She is blood-related to Ed Begley, Oscar-winning Hollywood actor best remembered today for his portrayal of bigoted Juror #10 in Twelve Angry Men. Obviously this turns me on.
2) For Christmas she asked me for every single episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation (so don't tell her that I only bought her the Encounter at Farpoint disc). In her defence, she seems to have had a sadly Doctor-Who-deprived education.
3) She beat me comfortably to the end of Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass on Nintendo DS, but I gained partial revenge by racing to the soft-finish of Super Mario Galaxy long before her.
4) She wants to move to Vancouver, B.C. next year, and take me with her. Goodness knows how that might work given the trouble I've had being allowed to work in even one city, but I'm theoretically up for any madcap plan, as always.
5) She is a card-carrying feminist and has just lent me a copy of a primer called "Full Frontal Feminism", so presumably I shall be one soon too.
6) She hates PDAs, which I have found to be an exciting way to annoy her outside the confines of my apartment.
7) She works in a prison as a hangman, or playing hangman, I forget which.
8) Meat is not permitted to pass her lips. So far I have succeeded in cooking her an artichoke pie and a courgette, potato and tomato bake, neither of which she refused point blank to eat.
9) She can't pronounce "tomato" and probably calls courgettes zucchinis too. But mostly she just gets confused when I call the midday meal "dinner". But if dinner is the evening meal then what, I pray you, is "tea"? She does like drinking copious tea, though, so not a complete feral child.
10) I am going to spend Christmas on an island in British Columbia with her family. Apparently all the menfolk have bushy beards, so I may need to grow one apace if I hope to fit in.
And that's all you need to know FOR NOW. |
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| The Tessa File |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|01:11 pm] |
2 month update:
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ |
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| True or False, #2 In An Occasional Series |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|11:45 am] |
"In politics if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."
True or false? |
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| True or False, #1 In An Occasional Series |
[Nov. 9th, 2007|02:16 pm] |
"A spectre is haunting Europe - the spectre of Communism."
True or false? |
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| True or False, #1 In An Occasional Series |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|02:54 pm] |
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"The medium is the message." True or false? |
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| Mayday Was In November |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|12:49 pm] |
AMERICANS! I need your help!
Despite having been a passport-carrying American for 33 years of my life now, I have somehow contrived *never* to celebrate a Thanksgiving. This however is the year all that nonense stops, and I've invited a bunch of Canadians (who prematurely blew their own Thanksgiving festivities in early October) around for a potluck-style thing on the fairly arbitrary date of 17th November. I'll be holding my Bonfire Night on that date too, for maximum personal convenience.
My problem is, having as previously stated never given Thanks before, I have no idea what sort of food I should be thinking about laying on. Mince pies? Chocolate eggs? Bowls of ghost-themed candy? Evidently none of my previous holiday catering experience has prepared me for this moment. So tell me then, how should I about giving Thanks in a semi-orthodox style? |
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| AMAZING FACTS OF HISTORY, #442 |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|02:49 pm] |
The funny thing about wartime American President FDR was that, despite there being only the tiniest difference between their acronyms... he was absolutely rubbish at DDR.
By which, er, I mean Dance Dance Revolution, not the Deutsche Demokratische Republik. He was probably really quite good at the latter. |
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| This Evening Then |
[Oct. 22nd, 2007|03:46 am] |
Duke of Argyll pub on Brewer Street in Soho (a short walk from Piccadilly Circus if I remember correctly).
There's a pub quiz at 7pm so I'll be aiming to get there before then, I guess that'll go on until in the vicinity of 9 and then I'll be sticking around till closing time.
See people there I hope! |
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